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I imagine them singing it as loudly as they can, at the top of their lungs, because the exigency presses them so deeply. Shining, dreaming, the world is ideal, if only for but a moment, for ikinari everything changes… shiokaze ga kawaru wa, the sea breeze changes, and now the world is different. For a moment all is shining perfectly like a beautiful dream, and then… a cool wind blows over the lonely ocean. It happens more quickly than a heartbeat, faster than a blink, like a flash of light, or perhaps more suitably flash of darkness. Aishitenai… one word, that says so much; I don’t love you. Wake ja nai, no, that cannot be. Demo… but, even so… ima wa… now, at this moment. But more simply and more purely, “now.” Kaeritai… want to return home. Interestingly, the sentence seems to be “Demo, ima wa, kaeritai” or “but, now I want to return home.” But the subject is now, “ima”, denoted by the following “wa.” Wa essentially states, “the word before me is the subject of the sentence.” It is like an accent mark in music, or the conjugation of the verb in certain languages; it indicates emphasis. The subject is not self, nor home, nor is the main idea returning. The significance is now, in the eternal moment which does not exist but as a memory, but still lives as an absolute time, almost without reference.
What is it that prompts these vast but immediate emotional changes in the soul of a girl? All is perfect, then, I am afraid and alone, then, now, this moment is all that matters… but this moment… the soul wants to return home. It’s not that I don’t love you… I hope. But there are no pronouns. Shining, dreaming ikinari = oh-so quickly shiokaze ga kawaru wa = sea-breeze changes aishitenai = love not wake ja nai = not so demo = but, even so ima wa = Now kaeritai = want to return home The English tends to add pronouns and connectors. Shining, dreaming, oh-so-quickly, the sea-breeze changes. It’s not that I don’t love you, but even so, I want to return home now. But the Japanese doesn’t use the pronouns, and it isn’t always obvious when a noun is singular or plural. Shining, dreaming, oh-so-quickly, sea-breeze(s) change(s). Love not isn’t so, but, even so, Now, want return home. This is how it should be read, because now there is no “I” or “you” because they do not exist. All that exists is a stream-of-consciousness consisting of emotions, feelings, intuitions, and brief, subtle thoughts. No sense of self exists, but if it were to exist, it would consist entirely of these things; there is no need to add a Person or a consciousness, for it is superfluous; they are sensed intuitively, without regard for self, without even acknowledging that self exists. Of course one must exist, in one way or another, and this is known because one is conscious. I propose that anything that is conscious exists. Descartes postulated, “I think, therefore I am.” But I would extend this (perhaps because of a somewhat existentialist bent) to “I am conscious (I perceive, I think, I feel, I sense, and so on), therefore I am.” I am not sure that anyone has formulated a satisfactory definition for “existence” since the word is taken, by me at least, to be somewhat axiomatic. Something exists if it… exists. If it has an actual presence in one realm or another (theoretical, five-dimensional, spiritual), or a couple, few, or several, then it exists. I also believe that non-conscious things can exist, or at least things which are superficially non-conscious. The reason for saying this is that God never created anything from nothing. Nothing does not exist, therefore there is no thing that can be created within its domain, since it is undefined. Such an idea is nonsense. Perhaps a common hypothesis is that God set forth a multi-dimensional field, or defined an area within certain dimensions, and then filled it with presences. It is like defining a cube, and then putting things inside it. But even then, there was not nothing but something; a definition, and there was God. If something was truly created from nothing, then it would not be of God, for it would be separate from Him. Certainly He could link it to itself, but such linking would not be necessary; why should it not be able to merely “float” separate from God? If God created it, it must be of God. Besides, God is infinite, so to give of Himself would cause God no loss. God simply “extended” Himself into different specifications or dimensions. He created nothing in one sense, for He simply applied Himself to new dimensions or new manifestations. If nothing exists separate from God, and God is conscious, then all things must to some extent possess consciousness – even if it is not an individual consciousness which leads to the conclusion, “I exist as a unique and semi-independent entity.” Rocks do not think for themselves, and they have no concept of selfhood (well, probably not… but perhaps they do). But because they are manifestations of God, they are linked to God’s consciousness, which permeates them and all “non-living” things. Perhaps a good definition for “living” is “possessing an individual consciousness including that the self exists as a semi-independent entity with a will.” Perhaps I’m making horrible logical errors or being extremely presumptuous at 2am. At any rate, one must be conscious that one exists at some level, perhaps subconscious. But that need not be realized in the immediate circumstance for the stream-of-consciousness to be intuitioned. And it is a very beautiful and sorrowful consciousness – that one will be alone and lonely because one wills it to be so. It is a thought somewhat similar to Hell, except that this is brought about by shyness, not rebellion or fear, and it may not even be sin. A moral analysis at this point may very well be detrimental to the understanding of the moment. Personally, I dislike observing things and having to decide, “This is good” or, “This is sin.” It is valuable to be able to do so, but far more valuable at times is to be able to understand and feel within ones self. (I) Do not want to be alone and lonely… but (I) (myself) by ones self choose(s) to be so by (my) ones own actions, so that (I) (one) do(es) indeed desire(s) to be alone and lonely. Like a dream everything passes by, for a moment all is perfect, shining ethereal bright… and then the natural tide changes, and I cannot but hide.
This not not necessarily a statement about myself… but simply an understanding of a song. Why am I so lonely? “Yowamushi na no.” “I am a coward.” Yowamushi means, “little (weak) worm.” What a very potent word for a coward, in such a condition. But that is not what she truly thinks of herself. It is more likely that she regards herself as precious and beautiful, but incredibly shy.
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